Blowing out the candles

I wish yellow could color
my mind clear of blue, ocean
cold eyes. I wish the echo of
my trust breaking, splintering
into slivers, jagged and rough
could find its way out, from deep
inside my skin. I wish for warm sandy beaches,
for the California sun high in the sky,
for waves crashing against bronzed bodies.
I wish he didn’t look deep into her eyes
as he pressed his lips against hers.
I thought the god of the desert would save me.
Instead, he gave me his spot on the cross.
Both betrayed with a kiss—Jesus and I,
and red my heart bleeds, the only sacrifice offered.